Open Letter #6

dear Redneck Neighbor

...it's that time of year again--fall...a time when i winterize my yard, cover all those bulbs and roots with pine straw, put out the pumpkins, and watch the leaves turn yellow and red...it's also a presidential election year...time to vote for the lesser of two evils...i can't wait to flex my political muscles at the polls, and even though we seem to differ on all matters lawn-related, it's refreshing to see that you too are gearing up for the election:

...i had to stomp down some grass and push aside the dying branches
of the  knockout roses to get a good picture...the fact that this sign
 is in this yard is enough to keep me voting the other way for years...
...i can't help but notice your choice of candidate...

...correct me if i'm wrong, but there are three government-funded programs your ticket is vowing to abolish in which you've participated:

1. rehabilitation--after your stint in jail, you spent some time in a rehab...on my tax dime...and yet i, unlike your candidate, have chosen not to kick these sorts of programs to the curb...

2. welfare--you work part-time, your sister doesn't work, your mother hasn't left for work in weeks...you're managing to feed three adults and five or six kids how? i did notice the small ponies missing from the back yard...if you slaughtered them last tuesday they may be starting to turn...

3. child heath care--that Peach Care program that covers all five or six of your kids? yeah, hug a democrat

...maybe my list reveals more about my prejudice towards your party than it does about your actual ticket...mostly, when i hear the term "republican" i think of rich men and women--him, with a bad fake tan, her with bleached-blonde hair--who pay illegal immigrants to do what working-class americans once did--gardening, domestic help--who "play" the stock market as if they're sitting at a poker table, send their kids to private school where learning is a side-effect of networking, and are generally people who lack integrity and humility...

...sure these are extremes...i hate extremes...especially when extremists are manipulated to represent an entire group...you know, the way your vp candidate associated gun violence with inner cities...so...republicans are probably, for the most part, just ordinary folks who happen to vote for rich-white-old-men over and over...who see something they like and go for it...like that candy bar in the check-out line...but if you eat too many candy bars at once, you'll hurl...that's the candy bar's job--to be a tempting indulgence that will eventually make you fat and sick...just like republicans...

...there's a chance you are the new face of the republican party...have you written to them? maybe they'd race right over to interview an ex-con whose done a stint in rehab, is raising five or six kids on her own, and, instead of defaulting on a mortgage on a larger home, has converted the garage into more rooms to suit such a large occupancy...seriously, you could be mentioned in the next debate...the only caveat i'd add: take a cue from your ticket and hire that illegal gardener...really...

..i see a choice between two rich candidates as no choice at all...and if we're talking about degrees of evil in democracy then there's a problem much larger than this election...it'll take more than a sign plopped into six months of front yard growth to solve it...

...but before you start to adorn your vehicles with romney/ryan stickers, i'd ask you to do some poking around and read up on your ticket's real agenda...surely you don't fit into that 47% of americans romney was talking about a month ago--you pay your taxes, are doing everything you can to advance yourself and your children--but that doesn't mean you're among the 53% he actually thinks he represents...

sincerely,
your neighbor who really, honestly, hopes you'll do the math...

Comments

  1. nope, she won'. but..she probably won't go vote either.

    ReplyDelete

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