Go Ahead, Take the Hormones. But, Please, Not "Caitlyn"

So here's the post you've all been waiting for. And when I say "all" I mean about half of you. Or, realistically, about five of you.

Okay, really this is just for my one friend with whom I had the following text war:

She wrote: "Have you seen Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Cosmo?"

"No," I wrote. "Do people actually read magazines anymore? Is Cosmo still around? Do they still publish those quizzes about what type of sex you'd be best at doing? I think I need to take that quiz again now that I'm older and fatter."

Her: "You're missing the point."

Me: "Which was?"

Her: "Caitlyn Jenner."

Me: "Is that one of those reality TV people? You know I don't have cable."

Her: "You're hopeless. Caitlyn Jenner is Bruce Jenner."

Me: "Bruce Jenner's what?"

Her: "Huh?"

Me: "His daughter? Wife? Sister? Mother? Aunt?"

Her: "No, you idiot. Caitlyn Jenner IS Bruce Jenner."

Me: "I'm confused."

Her: "No, you're an idiot. Don't you even watch the news? Bruce Jenner is a guy who ran in the Olympics and now he's a woman."

Me: "Running in the Olympics made him a woman?"

Her: "I hate you sometimes. He was an Olympic athlete. He has lived as a man and has secretly been changing himself into a woman with hormones. He's on the cover of Cosmo and it says Call Me Caitlyn because he wants to be Caitlyn not Bruce."

Me: "He wants to be called Caitlyn? Why? Can't he think of a better name? That name is so trite."

Her: "I don't know what that means."

Me: "It means it's stupid. And common." (I know the real definition.)

Her: "Oh."

Me: "Couldn't he have chosen something better? Less popular? Like Claire or Catherine or Cher? Or just move away from the C names altogether and choose something even more fabulous like Miranda or Penelope? Caitlyn is stupid. Every ten-year-old I know is named Caitlyn."

Her: "Know a lot of ten-year-olds?"

Me: "Shut up. It's a dumb name and you know it."

Her: "You're missing the point."

Me: "I don't think I am."