In Case the Mayans Weren't Kidding

...this morning i thanked the universe for my family's fear of guns and sharp objects...seriously...if we'd been fearless we would've killed each other every time we had an argument...we're quick to anger, mistrust, and we give in to the overwhelming feeling that the world is waiting for us to fail...

...so i thought, in the spirit of perpetual hope, thankfulness, and the general feeling of guilt i have because of falling down on the blogging job--damned you, memoir manuscript--i'd write up a small list of things i'm thankful for in an effort to thwart my homicidal thoughts...

...and if george lucas is right we won't be here after next week and i figured i should get one more post under the wire since my mom hated the last one...she didn't even like my richie rich reference, which i'm very proud of, by the way...

things i'm thankful for as the year nears an end:
1. my grandfather is dead...if he could see how fat i am, it would kill him
2. my two sisters who i slap around for each other...thus vicariously living a passive aggressive life but still getting the pleasure of hurting someone head-on
3. my daughter, who can finally snap her fingers...now she can call the waiter to our table
4. my writer pals who continue to support my work
5. my grandmother, who taught me the values of hard-earned money and family--that you're not entitled to either, and both require plenty of work
6. my husband's virility and potency...and amazing patience and love
7. my friends, both new and tried and true...for a kid who grew up with no close friends, i sure am lucky to have so many of them now
7. also for toilet paper, my cats, Vans shoes, memory foam, and homemade laundry detergent

...in february, i preempted the crappy year that would be 2012 by posting an early year-in-review...though most of the year continued to head down crap highway, things have started to look up for 2013...i feel the need to share a few more moments here...

additional 2012 year-in-review moments:
1. finishing the the draft of Blood and Circumstance...not only did i meet some supportive and encouraging writers at SWWC, i left it knowing i was doing the right thing with my book, my writing, my life...so i was able to finish the book, then spend six weeks editing it...

2. quitting my job...this is a double-edged sword...on the one hand i was iced out by a sad woman so jealous of me she fed me lies to make me look bad, then denied them when the shit hit the fan (essay forthcoming)...on the other hand, not working full time allowed me to finally finish my memoir...

3. spending the mornings with my daughter...these moments are our quiet time together, our mommy-daughter talk sessions in her bed as she wipes the sleep from her eyes and smiles and tells me what she dreamed, what she hopes for the day...and every morning when i drop her off at school, she kisses me and gives me a "heart to heart" where she presses her little hand to my chest and i do the same to her...

4. young baby #2, due out in june...we were gun-shy after the miscarriage, but when those little pink lines showed up a few months ago, i was so excited i nearly fainted...and then, a few weeks later, i did faint...in class...while i was teaching...i was sure i'd lost the second one, the pain was so bad...but nope, it's holding on and we'll find out soon the exact due date...and whether or not i'm growing a penis inside or a second vagina...

5. (this is the one that had me dwelling on my hereditary homicidal thoughts) my little sister's impending divorce...it's hard to watch two people i love very much tear each other down...i go to bed thinking of them and wake with the same anxiety, and it seems that nothing i do or say helps either of them find a way to deal with their shitty situation peacefully...i find myself wishing often that i had a magic wand that could solve their problems--the problems of everyone i love, for that matter--so the anger and heartache will end...

6. my acceptance to, and winning a scholarship for, the Writers in Paradise Conference in January 2013...i won the Standiford Non-Fiction award and was selected to participate in Les Standiford's week-long workshop...this is a heavy-hitter and i can't wait to participate, hear some great writers (and Ole Miss pals), and spend a week in florida...

...happy holidays everyone...if you're not afraid to own a firearm or a large sharp implement, i hope you get through the remaining weeks of 2012 without killing anyone...