Women Are to Blame for All that is Wrong in Hollywood

Dear Aaron Sorkin,

How on earth were you singled out to represent my beloved hometown? I had no idea who you were until recently when you put your foot directly up your own asshole. Boy, did you save a bunch of women money on new shoes.

I take it you and George Lucas have much in common. His franchise model and marketing strategies have done him--and his growing collection of chins--quite well over the years. And as his pocketbook and neck have grown, the quality of his films has fallen.

You don't seem to be growing a goiter, but you do seem hell-bent on maintaining the status quo of a movie industry that pigeonholes women and blames us for the oh-so-prestigious films created in Hollywood over the last few decades. I'd like to add to that illustrious shortlist, begun by Molly Mulshine. Please explain the following:
  • G.I. Joe (1 and 2)
  • Transformers (1 and 2)
  • The Expendables Series
  • All of the Rocky Movies
  • The Wolverine
  • Spiderman--all of them (both Toby Mcguire and What's-His-Name)
Wait! No explanation needed. I see you've also adopted the Disney model of successful film making--if we shove enough plastic doo-dads down their throats, they'll have to think the movie is genius. Boy, I can't wait for chick flicks to follow this model and become wildly popular.  When the 25th Anniversary Edition DVD of Thelma and Louise is released, I'll finally be able to purchase action figures (with Cadillac expander pack and Brad Pitt accessory doll) to accompany my obsession with this estrogen-driven production. Perhaps we'll soon see a Dr. Ryan Stone doll that rivals NASA Barbie.  I know I would really enjoy a Lisbeth Salander Do-It-Yourself Piercing and Tattoo Kit.



Any Woman with Half A Brain

1 comment:

  1. I see on Wiki that this guy wrote Moneyball, so I'll give him a thumbs up for that. Otherwise, booooooo. Not that I am a big movie watcher, we generally tend to watch whatever is on HBO this month, but the article you linked to makes a lot of good points (and so do you).
    I am all about a Brad Pitt doll. ;-)