3.20.2013

Why I Want a Dog

...i'm working on cutting down my memoir manuscript and realized that my childhood pet, a basenji named rex, was really my best friend...but at the end of the day, the short chapter about him needs to be cut...so as a tribute, i'm posting the short chapter about him...

...i'll return to my regular snarky writing next week...

Rex
My father bought the Basenji without asking my mother about it.  He knew we girls would get one look at the small, fox-red, white-muzzled dog, and there’d be no way she could object.  I named him Rex, and for the first night in our house we swaddled him in one of April’s diapers—his corkscrew tail protruding from the top—and he slept in my bed. 
...yeah, that's me...in all my tom boy glory...
Whoever had sold my father the dog had warned him of the mean streak prevalent in the breed.  But my grandfather had a Basenji, a black and grey variety, and we’d been around Putteran all of our lives without so much as a howl scaring us.  Putteran herded us around our grandparents’ Paso Robles ranch, but he’d never even bared his teeth. 
My father spent most of the weekend constructing a fenced yard for Rex to roam.  He chose the left side of the house because of the eucalyptus tree that would provide some shade, enclosing it with cyclone fencing and putting the gate right off the sliding glass door. The pen reached around the side of the house so Rex could guard our dirt road.  From my parents’ bedroom window I spied on Rex without him knowing, mostly at night just before I went to bed. I’d press my cheek to the glass, hold my breath and move only my eyes while I scanned the dark yard for Rex.  He would be sleeping inside his doghouse, sitting near the gate and peering into the sliding glass door where my family sat watching television, or lying atop his doghouse—his preferred pose as it allowed him to jump a great distance and look intimidating to anyone who passed.
My father built the doghouse with its raised floor and a top that opened on a piano hinge.  We painted it yellow and put an old blanket inside, and the first night Rex slept outdoors he cried and howled.  “He wants to sleep with me,” I told my parents, coming into the living room long after I should’ve been asleep.
“Dogs don’t belong in the house,” my mother said. She sat at the kitchenette, cutting Alpha Beta coupons.
My father’s lips pursed into a thin line.  He let out a huff and stretched his back in his black recliner.  
“Grandpa has Putteran in his lap.  Scoshee comes inside.”
“Joyce,” my father said.
“Dogs live outside,” my mother said.  “Your sister can’t breathe.”
April’s asthma had improved since we moved to the desert, but something as minor as Rex’s short, bristly hair could set her off. 
“Go back to bed,” my father said.  “He’ll quit in a minute.  He’ll get used to being out there alone.”
And he did.  He was standing on top of his yellow doghouse each morning when I came outside to tell him goodbye before I left for school.  When I walked home from the bus stop, he was still standing, his nose lifted, smelling for me as I came down the road.  He eventually wore away the paint with his nails and gnawed the corners of the plywood roof. 
Rex needed something other than tumbleweeds to herd.  So on the weekends my father trained him to run after birds.  Crows landed in dark clouds in our back acre and my father eventually got Rex to run after them.  Sometimes he launched himself into the sky trying to catch one.  He never did, but when they perched in the eucalyptus he howled and snarled, causing my father to burst into a fit of laughter.  We trained him with a Frisbee after that and then a softball.  His mouth was too small for the ball, even after he’d reached full growth, but he snapped at the laces and eventually could get hold of a loose one and carry it back to me.  After school I played with Rex.  When my father came home, we played with him together.
But Rex growled and snarled at strangers.  My mother and sisters didn’t care for him. It fell to me to care for him while my father was at work, feed him twice a day, and rub his fine short coat.  We ran the length of the dog pen, and I walked him around the back acre on his leash. When it was time to fetch, I let him run to the back corner where the Ditmeyers had a fence where he’d turn and charged at me, trying to herd me into the house.  Sometimes sidetracked, he chased a rabbit or crow.  His fine red body stood out like a blaze in the yellowing tumbleweeds.  Sometimes we raced up and down the street.  He howled at cars and snapped at neighbors, and I wouldn’t fear a thing.
No other kids came around; they were afraid of our dog.

In the fall of 1987, just a few months after my father was sentenced to 101 years in prison, Rex went to the pound.  I was at school when they came for him, and when I got home he wasn’t sitting on his yellow roof.  The dog pen was empty.  “Someone will adopt him,” my mother said when she told me, and I began to cry.  “We can’t keep a dog.  We can’t keep this house.” 
Grandma came for dinner that night.  She’d moved to the desert by then, and since my father’s arrest, I’d been splitting my time between houses.  After we ate—a quiet dinner where I sniffed and couldn’t look at my mother—I went to my room with my He-Man figures.  I fought the urge to sneak down the hall and press my nose to the glass in my mother’s bedroom.  I had convinced myself I could bring Rex back if I stayed there long enough. 
Before the arrest, Grandma often brought Brandy with her on her nightly visits to our house.  She and Rex would touch noses through the fence, and Grandma would sneak him little pieces of chicken.  “He isn’t mean.  You’re mother just hates dogs,” Grandma said.
“So what?” my mother would answer her.
Grandma would shrug, as if to say, You’re an idiot.  Don’t you know dogs are a man’s best friend?
Perhaps that was the problem all along.
Though they didn’t think I could hear, Grandma and my mother sat talking about what had happened the day Animal Control came for my dog.  I heard them whisper “choking,” “muzzle,” “cage,” and “pitiful” while they sat in the living room talking the way they’d come to talk since my father’s arrest. I crawled into the center of my large bed, my face burning, my throat suddenly sore and tight.  Rex had been put into a metal cell, the kind the janitor at school used to catch the feral cats living under the modular classrooms.  They smelled like piss and shit and spray.  And now Rex was in one.  Or he was out at the pound, a place I imagined as jail for mean animals, where he’d be cooped up inside without his dog house, no fence to watch me through. That night I imagined I heard him howling for me.  I soaked my pillow with tears, and in the middle of the night I snuck out into his pen and sat on the dog house waiting for him to come home. I watched the clear, cold sky and prayed to the only God I knew to please bring my dog back.  Even if he couldn’t do anything about my father—as my mother had told me—I begged him for my dog, for my best friend. If I’d known he was going to be taken away, I told God, I would’ve let him run.  I would’ve opened the gate and let his mean little body loose on the world.  I would’ve given him an escape. I ended my prayer the way my father always ended his, “I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.”
Rex has been dead for over twenty years.  I know now they must have euthanized him in the first week.  He was dead when I waited for God to deliver him to me after school, dead when I thought I heard him howl, dead when I moved away from our T-14 house for good.  He was dead when I cried and begged my mother not to leave the house because God was going to bring Rex back and I wouldn’t be there to rub his fine coat.
I still choke on the memory of him, the futility of childhood, my father’s laugh while Rex ran the acre catching Frisbees and herding crows.  Though I never once wished or prayed for my father to return—in fact I soon learned to do the opposite—years after he was taken I still waited for Rex to show up wandering along a Littlerock dirt road, waiting for me to claim him.

3.13.2013

Boobs

...my youngest sister recently purchased an iphone which she uses for two purposes: long-distance chats with me and to take topless pictures of herself...anyone who grew up in southern california, like we did, won't be alarmed by the second function, for as we all know: mirrors lie, but pictures never do...my sister has lost a significant amount of weight in the last six months and to get an accurate and objective view of herself she snapped the picture, not to send to anyone (take note brett favre) but for her own scrutiny...had she been more adept at using her smartphone, she may have deleted the photo as soon as she got done analyzing her trouble zones...

...as it is she's a single mom with three kids, two under the age of seven, and she is easily pulled away from a bout of self-loathing by a trip to the emergency room or a full-blown temper tantrum...and pictures are left on the phone...

...enter FB...

...you see where i'm going, right? okay, then no more set up...yes, my sister accidentally posted a picture of herself topless on FB...and she tagged a friend in it...then spent half an hour trying to take the photo down when she realized the mistake...

...so for thirty minutes there was a topless photo of my little sister on FB...

...and for thirty minutes she tried unsuccessfully to take the picture down using her iphone...finally, she had to boot her computer and remove the photo using it...granted, i don't own an iphone, simply a lowly ipod, but it seems to me that removing a photo using the same device she used to post it shouldn't take half an hour to remove...is this user malfunction or a cunning way for FB to get young women to leave up topless photos of themselves just long enough for perverts to save them to their hard drives?

... while i never saw the picture of my little sister's boobage myself, in the same week i got a post in my newsfeed of this photo:

...why were so many of the FBers opposed to this photo women?
are they really that flummoxed by another woman's breasts?
what's at the heart of that sort of pathology?
oh how i wish i'd done that psych minor in college...

...according to my friend who reposted the picture, this is the chest of a woman who had a double mastectomy after being diagnosed with breast cancer...FB said this photo violated their nudity guidelines and "promptly" removed it after it was originally posted by Lee Roller...Roller then reposted the picture in protest and thousands of other FB members shared it to do the same...but some FB members actually agreed with the decision, calling the photo obscene...

...say, huh???...

...honestly, i had to stare pretty hard before i knew what i was actually looking at...it seemed like a tasteful and artistic midriff, not a topless woman...i don't understand the obscenity...

...and when did women's breasts suddenly become obscene? has someone notified national geographic? are the statues at the Louvre being draped in white sheets as we speak? are breast-feeding mothers being carted off to breast prison? 

...never mind there are 400,000 legally employed strippers in the US, that annual strip club revenue is $3.1 billion, that the global market for strippers brings in $75 billion annually: we can't have breasts exposed on FB...what will we tell our children? how to explain what a breast is? its function? or cancer? how to sit them down and explore the ways men in this country have unabashedly criminalized and demoralized the female form? how to make our daughters even more ashamed of their bodies?

...how dare a cancer survivor flaunt her breastlessness!

...is that the real obscenity that's being pussy-footed around here? are FB and its minions of like-minded obscenity police opposed to this photo because this woman's stereotypical trademarks--her boobs--are missing? that instead of breast implants she went against the grain of a male-dominated, sex-crazed culture and got this amazing tattoo?...if her boobage was clear from the get-go, swelling and filling the screen, would the photo have been removed "promptly" or would Roller have struggled for a half hour to remove it himself?

3.11.2013

Writer's Bloq

...for those writer friends of mine--or those who just want to read some good work being done by writers all over the globe--i highly suggest Writer's Bloq...it's a free online writing community focusing on giving feedback, editing, and publishing...you can read most works-in-progress as long as the writer has a public profile...and you can even create your own little "bloq" of friends with whom you can exchange work...

...i've been a member for about nine months and already i've really enjoyed the camaraderie...i don't have a formal writing group in my area, so for me Writer's Bloq works as my little guinea pig stage where i can test out new material before sending it out into the world for possible rejection publication...

...i welcome visits to my profile and my public folio...most people who read my stuff send me email responses to my work, rather than messages through the Bloq, but either one is fine with me...

...i hope to see some of you join and begin to post work...

3.06.2013

This is Hell, and There's a Spinning Jeep in It

...my grandmother left the south for california when she was in her twenties and spent the rest of her life belittling and berating it..."the people are backward trash," she'd say, "you can't even shop for good clothes"...for a woman with a panache for fashion, the inability to score a decent pair of pumps made for the penultimate reason to flee...

Grandma, shortly after moving
to California
...during my early years, i got the impression that the relatives she'd left behind were a clan of rugged outlaws, akin to the dukes of hazzard (my favorite show at the time), who would tar and feather me just as easy as look in my direction...i came to believe that the tidy, orderly, compulsively clean home grandma kept was a direct response to the life she'd lived on a farm in east texas, where she shared a bed with two of her four sisters, and once in her youth nearly chopped off her own leg with an axe...i was the well-groomed, well-mannered miniature of herself, perhaps the equivalent of the "city cousins" she mentioned whenever she spun her southern yarns...those relatives who came to the farm and made fun of her homemade hand-me-downs...she openly hated them, and was secretly jealous, hoping each time to be taken back to the city and allowed to live a life of manufactured clothing and factory processed saltines...

...even with her visceral displeasure of the south, every summer from the time i was ten until i turned eighteen, we traveled from california to east texas for a few weeks to visit her relatives...by then, grandma had lost her father and one sister and her mother had had a series of strokes...so i found myself sleeping on a pallet on the hard linoleum of my great-grandmother's retirement apartment, a four room place on the eighth floor of a depressing gray building just outside of downtown beaumont...i spent my days reading louis l'amour novels and pushing my great grandmother along the urine-smelling corridors...for an hour or two each afternoon i was allowed to spend time in the stifling humidity, where i usually gravitated to an ancient rusted swing set--once sliding my feet along a soft bed of upturned earth and suffering the rest of the summer with weeping sores up and down my legs from fire ant bites...or i'd be permitted a game of pool in the always-empty recreation room on the first floor, grandma watching on as if any moment i might turn to her her and give her the fright of her life by saying, "i love it here"...

...my time restricted to a stale building with condensation dripping down the windows, surrounded by the dying-forgotten i became convinced that texas was the pit of hell i'd been warned about...

Grandma on the far left, with Nancy, Faye, and Sissie;
her father sits in the chair,
and my uncle Bud crouches beside him
...then, one summer, grandma took a reprieve from the sad building long enough for us to travel to hemphill, her girlhood hometown, where her brother still lived on a plot of land that had once belonged to their father...my uncle bud was a lanky man who was missing the tip of his pinkie and a good portion of his ring finger..."i picked my nose," he told me, "and a booger bit it off. if you look up there you can see my finger bones"...i spent a few minutes believing him and looking into his nostrils the first time he told me this tale...but as i got older, and the trips to his home became more frequent, i simply laughed along side him on the small back porch where he and my grandmother smoked cigarettes and talked in a slow drawl i came to understand only because i'd been surrounded by it for weeks...

...when i turned fourteen, uncle bud decided i needed to learn to drive so he enlisted his youngest daughter dana--a high school senior i thought was the coolest girl in the world because she had feathered hair and a deep tan--to teach me the gears of a stick shift in a hollowed-out jeep...we bumped along the back acres of scrubby brush and tree stumps, nearly thrown from the carcass because there were no seat belts, no doors, no windshield...no one lived for miles around so we could holler as loud as we wanted each time it stalled and we were thrown forward...eventually, i lost all control and we ended up perched on a tree stump, all four wheels off the ground and no way to get the jeep moving again...each time we gave it gas, we spun in a circle, a mechanized version of a playground merry go round...eventually, uncle bud found us stranded, the jeep out of gas from all of our spinning, and had to tie it to a tractor to pull it free...by then grandma had put a stop to my driving lessons...

...one forth of july, uncle bud piled me and his grandson, mike, into his huge truck and we headed into the small town for fireworks...i'd lived my entire life in a desert and had only seen firework shows at the local high school...i'd never heard of a black cat or m-80 or roman candle, but uncle bud loaded me down...at sunset he lit a candle and held it high over his head while the red and blue sparks shot into the sky...dana, mike and i lit entire rows of black cats in the middle of the country road, then became more daring and started lighting them in the old metal mailbox...the pops cracked my ears--they rang for days...

...it's hard to say what, exactly, those summers at my uncle bud's house meant to me...his wife, sarah, made blueberry crumble and chicken spaghetti (a recipe so good and rich it still eludes me)...i launched myself from a tree house via an ancient tire swing whose rope never did snap...i traveled to the family cemetery and listened to stories of my great-grandfather william whom i'd never met but whose grave i could eventually find with my eyes closed...i helped shell peas and cut okra, learned to can corn...i was introduced to a very southern tradition, the town square, which in hemphill was a series of dilapidated brick buildings surrounding a central grassy area with a small courthouse and ancient jail...i learned that defunct service stations were the best places to find wild flowers and old tin signs perfect for sling shot target practice...as i neared my eighteenth year, those days came to represent calm and quiet, a time when i could actually take a walk and listen to my own breathing...

...within a short span of two years, my texas greats began to die...first my great aunt sissie, then my great grandmother...great aunt nancy went next, and so ended the summer trips...by then i was in college, beginning my own life, and like most uppity know-it-alls i tried to distance myself from my family as much as i could...but eventually the south beckoned me back and at twenty-two i found myself living only a day's drive away from the crumbling homestead my grandmother fled a quarter century before my birth...

Uncle Bud with Great Granddaughter
in 2012
...i thought often of my uncle bud, one of only three of my remaining aged relatives, and when a family reunion was announced, i informed my grandmother i was going to attend in her stead...by then she was too frail to make the journey, and only a year later she, too, would die...i took the opportunity to impose myself on my uncle until nearly three in the morning...we sat up talking about every little thing, smoking cigarettes, and laughing at his tall tales...he told me of his diagnosis of mesothelioma, saying of it only, "baby, we've all got to die some way"...and he finally did, two weeks ago...

...my god...it's been nearly a decade since i sat with him into the wee hours, listening to cicadas hum in the trees on his land, but i can hear him as plain as if he were sitting beside me...his easy drawl, the voice like a pulled cello chord, the wavering of his breath like a breeze over hot gravel...the way he always called me "baby" like he did his own daughters...

...i suppose for a kid like me--growing up without a mother and father in a sterile california town that prided itself on shopping malls and lawn ordinances and watering restrictions--those summers represented wildness i would never know again...as i got older, my life fell into an orderly picture painted by the simple headings of "what to do" and "what not to do"...but always in my memory were my sweat-stained t-shirts and mud-wrecked keds and a jeep perched atop a tree truck, spinning and spinning like a top with two young girls behind the wheel and my lanky uncle swaggering toward us in his requisite white t-shirt and faded blue jeans, shaking his head and wiping away tears of laughter...