So here's the post you've all been waiting for. And when I say "all" I mean about half of you. Or, realistically, about five of you.
Okay, really this is just for my one friend with whom I had the following text war:
She wrote: "Have you seen Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Cosmo?"
"No," I wrote. "Do people actually read magazines anymore? Is Cosmo still around? Do they still publish those quizzes about what type of sex you'd be best at doing? I think I need to take that quiz again now that I'm older and fatter."
Her: "You're missing the point."
Me: "Which was?"
Her: "Caitlyn Jenner."
Me: "Is that one of those reality TV people? You know I don't have cable."
Her: "You're hopeless. Caitlyn Jenner is Bruce Jenner."
Me: "Bruce Jenner's what?"
Her: "Huh?"
Me: "His daughter? Wife? Sister? Mother? Aunt?"
Her: "No, you idiot. Caitlyn Jenner IS Bruce Jenner."
Me: "I'm confused."
Her: "No, you're an idiot. Don't you even watch the news? Bruce Jenner is a guy who ran in the Olympics and now he's a woman."
Me: "Running in the Olympics made him a woman?"
Her: "I hate you sometimes. He was an Olympic athlete. He has lived as a man and has secretly been changing himself into a woman with hormones. He's on the cover of Cosmo and it says Call Me Caitlyn because he wants to be Caitlyn not Bruce."
Me: "He wants to be called Caitlyn? Why? Can't he think of a better name? That name is so trite."
Her: "I don't know what that means."
Me: "It means it's stupid. And common." (I know the real definition.)
Her: "Oh."
Me: "Couldn't he have chosen something better? Less popular? Like Claire or Catherine or Cher? Or just move away from the C names altogether and choose something even more fabulous like Miranda or Penelope? Caitlyn is stupid. Every ten-year-old I know is named Caitlyn."
Her: "Know a lot of ten-year-olds?"
Me: "Shut up. It's a dumb name and you know it."
Her: "You're missing the point."
Me: "I don't think I am."